REFLECTIVE JOURNAL

#FlashbackFriday

This #FlashbackFriday, I salute my recently deceased mother, for being my biggest protector —and, often, enabler. She always saw me as different and did HER BEST to shield and protect me. Over the years, she would push me to speak up and out. In my adult (no longer quiet and shy) years, she still saw me as that quiet, shy kid. She learned and grew to understand my demeanor. I grew to understand and accept her demeanor, as well.

My mother was unabashedly no-nonsense. She absolutely had no filter. She would give it to you exactly how she felt it—at that exact moment. I did not always like that about her. However, I grew to LOVE that about her. “Mother-Dearest” (nickname) was a strong, fierce, intelligent, free-spirited, and hard-loving woman. Even well into her late 70’s she’d let you know, “I have all of my faculties!” Meaning: I know what’s going on. I’m not crazy, yet. I know that initially she worried about me being too soft, easy-going, and too accepting. …too many filters. I’m glad that before she passed, she saw my shift over the years. I learned to lean more into my mother’s tenacity, strength, and no-nonsense approach to some people, places, and things. The way she approached life and people is absolutely necessary, at times.

After learning more about her life over the years, I understood why she was unabashedly unfiltered at times. I adopted “some of her” style as necessary: often, people take kindness as a weakness. I learned to still be kind, but fiercely clear: weakness is not one of my character traits. Folks learn that about me by default. I can tell she felt the change in me. I can tell she was glad for it.